The enemy within

Commonly referred to as the inner critic, artists often comment on an internal dialogue which suppresses their ideas. “That part was a little weird,” “Is that really the best that you can come up with?” “Come on, no one is gonna like that, it’s way too surface level.” These are all examples of internal dialogue I have experienced as a creative person. It drives me to pursue perfection, one small tweak here, and one there, then “Fuck! I messed the whole thing up and need to start over.”

It doesn’t serve me. That is the bottom line on all creation, even this post here. That inner critic is a version of yourself, and you should get to know them and why they are thinking their way. Write this entity a letter. I know that this sounds crazy and pointless. Why not simply “think” to the inner critic? Why keep records of anything, or journal, or post on a blog? Why do we do anything at all?

This right here is what it feels like to spiral downward into a depression. Get here and the inner critic has one. You never posted that thought, finished that song or video. All that information just sitting on your hard drive for what? You see this inner critic is what is keeping you afraid, afraid of what others will think of you. Write them, understand your enemy, dissect and analyze just what it is about them that is preventing you. Maybe it goes back to a time you were a kid and you made a joke that flopped, you were rejected by a love interest, or were humiliated in a job interview.

I learned my inner critic was protecting me from rejection and humiliation. I learned this by writing to him (yes he is a he in my situation because he is me and I am him), and letting him be the guidance of my pen. A classic call and response (it’s no wonder these melodies are soothing to the human ear), a deconstruction of my thought patterns in physical space. To my critic, I say: “If what I want is to express myself artistically, I must risk the disapproval of some. Maybe I will bomb a time or two, or a hundred, but that is the price I am willing to pay to be that change in the world I want to see. I create for my art is my courage, not their approval.”

That’s really it. By understanding this part of myself, I have become better at silencing it and controlling it. It’s like a wild dog in need of some training. It doesn’t occur overnight, but rather small steps, more letters, and consistently posting and releasing in spite of the critic working to slow you down. Recognizing the inner critic is the most important step in silencing them, and sharing your creations with the world.

-P